• Facing Life Guidelines •

First, thank you for your interest in this series. I have never done a series like this but I have also never had a trying year until 2014. I vowed to be an advocate for postpartum depression, PTSD, & special needs babies. Please read my introductory post 

Facing Life: Meeting My "Diabetic" Baby

Here are the guidelines I'd like you to follow. Any questions I can be contacted at my email below or if your FB friends, message me! 

1) If you incorporate your faith into your piece, try to make it general. Many of the readers will be of different faiths, please be sensitive to that. 

2) Length can be a tricky one. I want you to be comfortable enough to share all of your stories and thoughts, but the more to the point you are the better. The goal is to keep the readers interested. 

3) Please email your piece to mecham.ky@gmail.com, along with a recent family photo. If you don't have extras to add, it's ok. If you do have some & know where you want them place,do so & I will post it like that. 

4) I have chosen Facing Life as the series title. Please title your email Facing Life: (your triumph/struggle) ex: Facing Life: Meeting My "Diabetic" Baby. 

5) I would like the last paragraph to be something you've learned along the way of your struggle. Whether it be something about yourself or a way you've learned to cope. 

6) And lastly I would like for you to include all social media links & a small 5-7 sentence bio with a recent family photo! 

This is not a paying job. It is strictly to be personal, raw & real. I want others to know they are not alone. I love reading posts that I can relate to & feeling the emotions they go through. We are a lot stronger than we know. It takes people that know how we feel to lift us up. 

**Update** I've had a lot of people ask if it needs to be new or a previously written post. I need new pieces. If it's previously read, it's not going to reach as many people. 

• Advocate or Hypocrite •

I feel like I don't express myself well. I am most of the time a blubbering idiot. I can't control myself when I'm trying to tell people how I feel.

Ever since I can remember I have been emotional. I get it from my momma! & ever since I can remember I have been hard headed, stubborn &.... a people pleaser. A little indifferent right!? Being as stubborn as I am, I should be fine to tell people how I do things & take nothing less! I am a big talker... It eats me ALIVE when I upset people or I don't do things the way someone thinks I should.

I can remember back to high school thinking life is going to be so easy. I am going to find someone to take care of me & our future family. I was happy & proud of everything in my life.

Well... Life truly starts after you become an 18 year old adult. I was faced with the reality of car payments, rent, a job,preparing my own meals ( cause heaven knows you can't eat out every meal, every day). I wasn't proud anymore. I was struggling.

I found the only person(outside my parents & siblings) I feel truly understands & loves every aspect of ME! Which is a miracle in its own. It's not easy living with me..

I always knew I was going to have babies. I grew up taking care of my baby sister & brother & babysitting. I went to college & found a job with kids... I love them! Other people's kids...


Now PLEASE don't take that outta context!

I love my kids & I will do ANYTHING in my power for them.
I just never knew the way my thinking & hormones would become so different after having them. I also never thought I would be the one to be on the "crazy pill". It just wasn't in my cards... Or so I thought.

So am I an advocate or a hypocrite?

I try to avoid the fact I'm on my meds. I don't talk about it. Or I laugh it off & make it seem like it's joke.

The sad truth is it's not a joke. I have had a problem coming to terms with it since Carter. Some of it comes from moving away from my mom shortly after having him, but to look on the bright side I moved within 20 minutes of my sweet angel Grandma! My papa, aunts & uncle were right there to help at a whim! It's not like I moved three states away with no help. Nonetheless it must had hit me hard, or now that I think about it that was a HARD, TOUGH, HEARTBREAKING reality check when I realized my grandma was in serious pain. She was dying & there was nothing anyone could do. I spent one year with her, Going every day that she felt ok for company. I miss her. She was one of my best friends & biggest supporters.

Is that why I started to feel so down about things? I know one thing is that is WHEN it started. & it has gotten worse since having a baby become a NICU graduate. I know there could be worse & that little teething, screaming, drool monster could have had a total different outcome with his life. But to say it has been easy for us since his diabetes went away would be a complete lie. I haven't experienced a colicky & demanding child until Peyt. & I feel like a brand new mom when I do most things with him. Life is & always will be a harsh reality.

I wake up, get outta bed & live because of those 3 cute little faces I wake up to everyday. I do the things a regular stay at home mom does.

But it's not who I am. I have post partum depression that I feel has turned into post traumatic stress. I experience anxiety. I experience bouts of tears, bouts of anger, & as much as people don't think I do.. bouts of laughter. I do enjoy life.

It's just sometimes that depression sneaks up on me & pulls me back in. Slowly but surely. & when it pulls it doesn't let up.

So the answer to the question... advocate or hypocrite?

Hypocrite...
I choose to avoid it. I choose to ignore it. & I choose to receive the consequences for it.

What do I want to be?

Advocate...
I want to help others. I want to live knowing others like me. I want people to know they don't have to be alone. & I want to lean on others who KNOW what I'm feeling. I know it's the right thing to do. Seek help & let others help me sort this out.

That does not always mean it's easy.

• Hard Pill To Swallow •

This has been something that I have thought about writing for a long time.

It's not uncommon, but it's a judged subject.

PTSD from having a baby in the NICU is getting more and more common. Anxiety is also a result from a stay.

I remember so vividly everything that happened from February 8- April 22. I am an emotional person. I cry, I scream & I get upset very easily. While Peyton was in Primary's I only cried twice. I never left him & cried & it was questioned a lot.

I can't tell you why I never cried & I will probably never know.

Peyton has been insulin free for 2.5 months. The last 2 months has been constant worry & high anxiety that his diabetes will come back sooner than expected. At his 4 month checkup I worried his sugars would spike from his fever. Of course it hasn't & hopefully it doesn't until 14ish.

At night sometimes I wake up in a panic from dreams that take me back to the morning of Peyton's birth when Trev comes in to tell me that he's only 3 lbs 15 oz. People would say that might be normal & it's ok. It's not ok when your mind throws a curve ball & you also hear him saying they don't expect him to make it through the night...

I panic, wake up in a sweat & have to get up in the middle of the night to check on him & remember that he's ok.

I hear the monitors all the time & my heart rate palpitates when I flashback to the night that his numbers kept rising & we couldn't figure out what was wrong. He stopped breathing twice & I so clearly remember his nurse calling me to tell me his sugars were higher & oxygen had to go on. When we came home with him, he was still gasping when he would go into a deep sleep. I think that's where some of the anxiety roots from.

I recently went to my doctor, who is also a member of my ward bishopric & a very close family friend, to discuss what I was experiencing. I had post partum depression with Carter & Wyatt as well. I fully expected it & My family knew what to watch for after Peyton. Little did I, or anyone else, know how bad it would get.

No I'm not so depressed that I'm buried in the corner afraid of the public eyes, but I do have a hard time being around a lot of people & loudness. I know some of that is because Peyton is still not used to loud noises. His tiny ears lived in the quietness of the NICU for 73 days. When he cries, I get anxious when I can't console him right away. My husband has been such a lifesaver for me. He knows exactly what to watch for when I'm getting overwhelmed. He jumps in & helps in any way possible.

We decided I needed some Xanax for those touchy moments.

Sometimes I feel like it's the worst thing ever that I can't take care of my own kids.... but then I also remember

God gives you what you can handle & when you see your way to him the blessings fall on you & your family.




I'm a work in progress & I'm proud to say that I have come to terms with myself & my head. I know I have some hard work to do, but I have so much help & support.

I have to take care of myself before I can take care of these sweethearts.