• Facing Life: Meeting My Diabetic Baby •

When I was pregnant with Peyton, I had that feeling that he was my last. I tried to enjoy every single part of it, but for the first 3.5 months I was sick. It got better & my the end I had gained a good 45 lbs! Little did I know that 45 lbs was just going to be on me. Peyton was delivered at 38 weeks. He came tiny, but fighting! You can read about his birth here. 

From day one I wondered what I could have done different. There were so many moments sitting in the NICU thinking about the things that could go wrong. 6q24 Transient Neinatal Diabetes Mellitus is one of the scariest phrases I've ever heard to describe my baby. Here is some information about it. My grandpa has Type 2 Diabetes. All I knew before Peyt was that my grandpa couldn't have to many candy bars or he would be sick. I compared Peyton to a roller coaster a lot in the NICU. His glucose levels were out of control. Low one minute, high the next, leveled out to normal & then he'd spike or drop again. It was always a small victory if we could stay within his range two or three times in a row. If babies could talk, I tried to imagine what Peyton would say. Would he cry "ow" every time they pricked his little heel? Would he scream " mommy,daddy don't leave me" every time we walked out that door to our 2.5 hour drive home? Would he be able to know the difference in a high & a low to tell the nurses how he was feeling? 

I had a lot of time to think sitting & rocking my baby or coming home without a newborn. I had a hard time getting to sleep every night without him. I would call to check on him every single night & tell the nurse to give him an extra squeeze for me through a couple tears. That never faded away. Even when I brought him home I would kiss him before I laid him down & got teary eyed sometimes.

When I would walk into his NICU room, it was like a piece of my heart was returned. I never felt whole because my other boys weren't with me. The day I felt whole again was April 22, 2014. We brought Peyton home & I was extremely nervous. I was so excited to know he was healthy enough to come home, but hopeful & praying that we would have no emergencies. 

We made it 3.5 months with monogenic diabetes & survived! Luckily for me Peyton was on specific amounts of formula so I never needed to count grams of sugar & all that. The poking, the final 3 heartbeats in the 3 seconds waiting for his meter to read, was worth it. He is a healthy & striving baby boy! 

I have learned so much from this boy, patience mainly! I had no idea what stress was until this boy came along. He is demanding & usually gets what he wants. Which means mama holds him a lot. I have learned time management, anytime he lets me put him down to play I hurry & get a room cleaned. I have to or my house would be a wreck! 

He turned 1 year old today & is my hero! He is 1 of 24 in the world with his condition. He's pure heaven! 

Happy

Birthday

Peyton

Your mommy and daddy love you forever! We hope you continue to fight in life & be the tough & strong person we know you are capable of being! 

• Facing Life Guidelines •

First, thank you for your interest in this series. I have never done a series like this but I have also never had a trying year until 2014. I vowed to be an advocate for postpartum depression, PTSD, & special needs babies. Please read my introductory post 

Facing Life: Meeting My "Diabetic" Baby

Here are the guidelines I'd like you to follow. Any questions I can be contacted at my email below or if your FB friends, message me! 

1) If you incorporate your faith into your piece, try to make it general. Many of the readers will be of different faiths, please be sensitive to that. 

2) Length can be a tricky one. I want you to be comfortable enough to share all of your stories and thoughts, but the more to the point you are the better. The goal is to keep the readers interested. 

3) Please email your piece to mecham.ky@gmail.com, along with a recent family photo. If you don't have extras to add, it's ok. If you do have some & know where you want them place,do so & I will post it like that. 

4) I have chosen Facing Life as the series title. Please title your email Facing Life: (your triumph/struggle) ex: Facing Life: Meeting My "Diabetic" Baby. 

5) I would like the last paragraph to be something you've learned along the way of your struggle. Whether it be something about yourself or a way you've learned to cope. 

6) And lastly I would like for you to include all social media links & a small 5-7 sentence bio with a recent family photo! 

This is not a paying job. It is strictly to be personal, raw & real. I want others to know they are not alone. I love reading posts that I can relate to & feeling the emotions they go through. We are a lot stronger than we know. It takes people that know how we feel to lift us up. 

**Update** I've had a lot of people ask if it needs to be new or a previously written post. I need new pieces. If it's previously read, it's not going to reach as many people. 

•Peyton is 6 Months•

Weight:: 14 lbs 14 oz (8%)
Length:: 25 in (6%)
Head Circumference:: 25 (20%)

•he rolls from his back to belly
•grabs for his toys
•loves Seeing people he recognizes
•supported sitter
•sleeps 9 pm- 6 am

• Hard Pill To Swallow •

This has been something that I have thought about writing for a long time.

It's not uncommon, but it's a judged subject.

PTSD from having a baby in the NICU is getting more and more common. Anxiety is also a result from a stay.

I remember so vividly everything that happened from February 8- April 22. I am an emotional person. I cry, I scream & I get upset very easily. While Peyton was in Primary's I only cried twice. I never left him & cried & it was questioned a lot.

I can't tell you why I never cried & I will probably never know.

Peyton has been insulin free for 2.5 months. The last 2 months has been constant worry & high anxiety that his diabetes will come back sooner than expected. At his 4 month checkup I worried his sugars would spike from his fever. Of course it hasn't & hopefully it doesn't until 14ish.

At night sometimes I wake up in a panic from dreams that take me back to the morning of Peyton's birth when Trev comes in to tell me that he's only 3 lbs 15 oz. People would say that might be normal & it's ok. It's not ok when your mind throws a curve ball & you also hear him saying they don't expect him to make it through the night...

I panic, wake up in a sweat & have to get up in the middle of the night to check on him & remember that he's ok.

I hear the monitors all the time & my heart rate palpitates when I flashback to the night that his numbers kept rising & we couldn't figure out what was wrong. He stopped breathing twice & I so clearly remember his nurse calling me to tell me his sugars were higher & oxygen had to go on. When we came home with him, he was still gasping when he would go into a deep sleep. I think that's where some of the anxiety roots from.

I recently went to my doctor, who is also a member of my ward bishopric & a very close family friend, to discuss what I was experiencing. I had post partum depression with Carter & Wyatt as well. I fully expected it & My family knew what to watch for after Peyton. Little did I, or anyone else, know how bad it would get.

No I'm not so depressed that I'm buried in the corner afraid of the public eyes, but I do have a hard time being around a lot of people & loudness. I know some of that is because Peyton is still not used to loud noises. His tiny ears lived in the quietness of the NICU for 73 days. When he cries, I get anxious when I can't console him right away. My husband has been such a lifesaver for me. He knows exactly what to watch for when I'm getting overwhelmed. He jumps in & helps in any way possible.

We decided I needed some Xanax for those touchy moments.

Sometimes I feel like it's the worst thing ever that I can't take care of my own kids.... but then I also remember

God gives you what you can handle & when you see your way to him the blessings fall on you & your family.




I'm a work in progress & I'm proud to say that I have come to terms with myself & my head. I know I have some hard work to do, but I have so much help & support.

I have to take care of myself before I can take care of these sweethearts.

•Peyton Is 4 Months Old•

Weight: 10 lbs 8 oz
Height: 22.5 in

Peyton is doing so good!

*He is 3 weeks of no insulin. I am so relieved!

*He still has night time colic & refuses to eat luke warm bottles. They must be as warm as you can get without burning him!

*He lays on his side but just can't quite get the extra push to get his belly.

*Speaking of his belly, dislikes tummy time any longer than 5-10 minutes.

*Tried rice for the first time & he likes it but isn't quite sure what to do with his tongue!



*He is starting to recognize familiar faces & gives thee biggest smiles when he knows who it is!

*Sat upright in his jumper for 20 minutes twice so far. He is so strong!



*Loves to snuggle things while he sleeps. A fabulous friend did a Scentsy fundraiser for us & she gave Peyton a Scentsy buddy! His name is Rowan the Raccoon & Peyt loves him!

•Could We Really Be Done?•

We met with Dr. Clements & got some of the best news!

We are 6 days free of insulin. I am so ecstatic & proud of my fighter! It's like we have a normal baby! I still have to check him in the mornings & when he gets sick just to make sure that insulin isn't necessary.

I have been looking forward to this for months....

See ya later Diabetes...we'll meet again in about 12-14 years!!

•More Hormonal Than A Woman•

Yeah that's right I honestly am so confused & annoyed by diabetes.

Peyton has been home for one whole month & up until last Thursday it had been relatively easy. No lows & 2 highs!! Then we just HAD to go to the Dr. Peyton was not circumcised until now because Primary's wouldn't do that procedure. He had been really fussy during the day, which is not like him. I had Dr. Hardin check his ears & he had a right ear infection & the left was starting as well. I was so sad that I let this tiny guy get ear infections. So we started an antibiotic for that & Tylenol for his circumcision. I knew he would be high because of the sickness & the medicine but I didn't realize how high.

Before Peyt got sick he was off insulin for 3 days. I was ecstatic thinking that we were done & his little pancreas was kicking in. It must not have been functioning well enough to withstand sicknesses. We started back on his Lantus (long acting) at night time. So far he has been on it for 7 days. The 8th day (yesterday) I talked with his diabetes nurse & because his sugars had been between 72-140 she felt it was to low for him. We are 24 hours without insulin now & doing great!

This continues to be a rollercoaster. Peyt is a trooper. He is so strong & continues to amaze me.

•Tender Mercies & Our Struggles•

David A. Bednar hit it right on the head. Peyton is a miracle! I have said it before & I will say it a million times. That poor baby was barely surviving in my belly. It breaks my heart to admit that to a family member let alone the whole blogging world. He is one of my tender mercies. To the world he is a rare baby who has a condition not known to many, to me he is my lifesaver & miracle. He was sent to us to teach us as his parents to love more, live fully & forget the small problems. I, as his mommy & main caregiver was taught how to take care of him. That's a lot of organization. If you know me at all, I am anything but organized. I forget a lot of things, I put things in a spot I promise to remember & forget where that spot was. I am NOT a perfect mom. I could sit here & give you a bullet point list of all the things I do wrong on a daily basis..... but I'm not going to. Peyt was sent to me to tell me that I was special enough to God to be rewarded with this special & loving baby who needed to be taken care of in just a way that I could. On one of my blog posts comments a person I admire more than they know said this to me,

"These experiences change us and you will see the world from a different perspective because of it. But most of all, we are learning the lessons that God wants us to learn. Rejoice in the small victories, things that mean very little to mothers of "normal" kids are a huge deal to us parents to have kids with issues. And most of all, consider yourself privileged that God held you and Trevor in such high esteem that he was willing to entrust one of his most special children with you. You are now a member of a very "elite" club, which comes with a high price, but with unimaginable blessings! Let me be the first to welcome you :) I know you will find that happy place...just give it some time."

I will hold those words close to my heart forever!! When I heard these words I thought to myself how strong I needed to be not only for myself, but for my family & most importantly for Peyton. It is definitely no joke that babies feed off negativity. Once I realized that I needed to change my "poor pity me" attitude, Peyton started to drastically get better. He was gaining weight faster, eating better, & reacting to his meds better. Positivity is everything in the NICU even though it's one of the most depressing places. We received so much help from our friends, money, clothes for Peyton, & most of all the love, faith & prayers from everyone. It made Peyton's 73 day stay at PCMC a little less stressful. Never once did I feel like it wasn't going to be ok. Every night I would pray that Peyt would stay stable, my other boys would know how much we loved them but needed to be with Peyton as much as we could & that we, as husband & wife, could stay strong together. Yes Peyton had his daily struggles, as did Trev & I but we made it! We are home & we are happy!

There comes a time when those happy moments can turn into the hardest times & hard to get through. Having a newborn is never easy...for anyone. Having a newborn with diabetes seems to me, just a little harder. Some nights I would put Peyton to sleep with his sugars in the 80's, that makes me so nervous. It doesn't seem low but I give him insulin at night sometimes that kicks in & he drops. We can correct highs, lows can be life-threatening. I have never understood a diabetics mind with lows until now. Sugars can be so up & down & you just never know what you can wake up to. It is a constant worry. On the 11th we withheld his Lantus. For three days Peyton stayed stable & in a good range. The morning of the 15th I had such a pit in my stomach. Peyton had been extremely fussy the night before his dr.'s appointment & I chalked it up to colic because I had checked him & he was in good range. I told his pediatrician how fussy he had been, he did a quick check up & confirmed we had an ear infection in the right ear & an infection starting in the left. MOM FAIL. Seriously my baby who already goes through so much has to be circumcised & start antibiotics for ear infections. So that night his sugars rose to 266. Not to high but enough to get his Humalog (fast acting) & make him feel a little better. You never realize the sugars unless you are a die hard fitness guru or your a diabetics parent. We all knew he would soar high with the meds. It's still stressful even if you foresee it happening. This week has been one of my toughest mommy weeks. Peyton has been non stop crying, the boys don't understand he gets sad when they are loud & Trevor is on night shift. It is so hard to contain & shush my kid until he wakes up. I have never had such a fussy baby. I haven't done laundry, dishes have piled more than once & I'm lucky if I get in the shower or dressed for the day. Life is not a cup of tea. Life is hard. Life knocks you down sometimes. God is bigger. He has so many plans for our family & we have so many blessings to be so extremely thankful for!!!
Trev Ky Kam Carter Wyatt & Peyton