• Everything Happens For A Reason •

Welcome to the first of my 30 posts of July! I had the opportunity to connect with lots of other bloggers, one specific who set the group up, and I'm so excited to get back on the blog train! I've missed it. 

So I'd like to give an introduction first, I've had a lot of new followers on my Facebook page! My name is Kylie Mecham. I'm married to the love of my life, he gives me so much love! I also am a mama & step mama to 4 little boys! My youngest was born with a rare genetic disorder that caused him to be born with diabetes, it's now gone but will be back later in life. He spent 73 days in SLC, UT at Primary Children's Hospital. It was the hardest trial I've been through as a mom since becoming one 5.5 years ago. I love blogging. I love fitness. I have found it makes me focus on my life a little better. I can take out my stress on fitness & I love writing about real & raw things. It makes me feel like I'm connecting with people! 

It's funny how your life changes once you become a mom. In high school I thought life was hard, it was the easiest 4 years of my life. I thought I would never become the crazy girl, or the one who couldn't lose the baby weight. I became both. I started out with just a small bout of PPD after having my first baby, but with each one it got worse. I didn't realize, and neither did anyone else, that I was having problems until a couple months after my second baby. My mood swings were uncontrollable, my relationships with my husband, kids, & others was deteriorating & I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. I finally went to the doctor & the medicine really helped. And then Peyt came along, long story short, easy pregnancy, no problems & then my repeat c-section brought a tiny 3 lb 15 oz baby boy in my life. & he was sick. Very sick. & I was right back into that PPD except this time being in a major hospital & having the monitors constantly going off I developed some PTSD to go along with it. I was a mess. We brought him home like I said after 73 days & at times I had no idea what I was doing. I just continued to spiral downhill & it was awful. I started working out after Peyt turned one & it's been my saving grace since. I have such better days when I get that fast 30 minute workout in! It's true when they say you get much happier from exercising. 

I can't help wonder what my life would have been like had I not been a hormonal wife or mom. Would my boys have a normal, happy childhood? When they get older, will they remember that year they're mom went bat shit crazy? It's a huge blessing that had family & a husband who believed & loved me enough to stick with me. Everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe you are given trials to lead you to your next road in life, good or bad. You just need to live your life according to YOU! No worrying about what everyone else thinks. 

I hope to really get this blog going with this fun challenge! I have so many ideas & so much to say... 

STAY TUNED!

• Mothers Day 2015 •

So of course here I am at 11:30 finally sitting down to write a post on some of the most influential woman of my life! I never realized how hard it is to be a mom until I became one 5 years ago! It's amazing to me that life flies right by & you never truly know what's coming next! 

• My # 1 •

My mom has taught me everything I know! I am amazed at what she went through as a young mom & made it out alive with us all well brought up! She sacrificed a lot to stay home with us as kids! I'm so glad she taught me how to be a mom! She taught me to be strong, compassionate & loving! She taught me patience, heaven knows I need all the help I can get! She has been here for my family no matter what! She took care of my older boys when Peyt was in SLC & I never had any fear that my boys weren't ok! They love their Grandma Kellee! Carter would live there if I'd let him! 

• Trevs # 1 •

Grandma Nancy is always so fun with the kids! She loves to be around her family! She raised the man I love so very much! She taught him how to be a gentlemen & an amazing dad! She taught him to always take care of his family first & he is so amazing at that! I am so glad they are always willing to step in to help us kids when we need it! My boys love their Grandma Nancy! I'm so glad my boys will always have an amazing relationship with her! She is so thoughtful & loving! She is always putting us before her needs! 

• My Angel •

I honestly can't believe we have survived this long without her. Grandma Vicki was one of the most amazing, selfless, loving, kind, big hearted woman I have ever known. She taught my mom how to be an amazing mom & she taught me how to love unconditionally. My grandma never EVER complained about her life. She was dealt such a hard one the last few years of her life. She was so amazingly strong! She fought hard to stay as long as she did. I always know if there is something I need help with I can turn to her! She visits in dreams often. Random memories will pop into my head when I need them the most! I know she had a part in helping Peyt pick us as his parents, she knew I needed him just as much as he would need me! I love & miss her so very much! 

• My # 1 Sister •

I'm so proud to say she is my sister! She is an amazing mom to Kasleigh & I can't wait for her to bring Harleigh into this world tomorrow! She is so sweet & loving to my boys! There is no way we could have survived our SLC stay without her. She got Carter to school & made sure that Wyatt was taken care of until Grandma took over! She is a lifesaver!

• The Boys That Made Me A Mom & Step-Mom•

These 4 give me so much joy! I never knew I could love someone as much as I do those boys! They are the reason I get up every morning & drive myself to be better each day! They are the most hilarious & entertaining wilds I've ever met! They give me so much hope for our future life. I know they will be some of the best behaved boys because they are part of the best line of women I've met! They are so amazing & sometimes it's hard to let go of them! 

Happy Mothers Day to all the sweet moms in my life! I love you all!! 

• Tuesday Talk •

I am doing Tuesday Talk a little late tonight. It's been a rough day with my wilds! I seen this story about a mom who wrote about that one question everyone asks when you tell them it's a boy for the third time, you'll have try for a girl for your fourth right!? 

I joke about it all the time. Someone says to me "you gotta try for a girl right!?" I usually say something like, not if my dr did his job! Because with my last babe I had a repeat C-section & got a tubal as well. It's fine to fake it while your standing face to face with someone, but deep down it always gets to me for a minute. 

Are my cute boys not enough for you?

Am I not good enough to be a boy mama?

Are you going to make me re-think about the fact that I won't ever have cute bows & dance outfits on my little girl?

I have already thought about those things! 1) my boys are adorable 2) I'm an amazing sidekick to those ninja's & superheroes & 3) I do NOT have the patience for a little girl! I would love to have a tiny dancer but it's not for me! 

It makes me sad to think that having all boys is something to dread. Yes, my boys have the nickname "The Wilds" & they live up to it every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my boys. I thank Him for giving me boys that have good manners (on most days). I thank Him for little boys who tell me on some my very worst days that I'm the most beautiful mommy in the whole big world! 

I would NEVER trade my blues for pink any day. 

I look forward to watching my boys play sports with their dad & to see that twinkle in Trevs eye when he's proud of the way they're learning or succeeding in life. 

I look forward to watching my boys pick the person they will fall in love with & be the best husband & dad because they learned from some of the best men I know! & then I will get the best daughters I could ask for because my boys chose them! 

I will always be a boy mom & I will never have any fear of that! I am so thankful that these boys give me hope & an amazing reason to live this life & have fun. They have taught me fun! They have taught me to live in the moment no matter where or what. They have taught me unconditional love. I am a proud Stay At Home Boy Mom! 

• Life Lately •

I have been extremely MIA from this blog!! We haven't been that exciting but... There have been a few moments! 

Trev & I

• Trev is still working at Kiewit, but he runs the dozer instead of driving a truck now!! & got a pay raise! 

• I am still livin it up as a stay at home mama! & working on bettering my health! I am one month free of caffeine with the exception of a few! :/ (no one is perfect!) I am working on losing the baby bulge around my hips with a little Shaun T & Insanity Max 30! I will slowly but surely get there!! 

Kam

• has lost another tooth, that makes 7!

Carter

• is going to be registering for Kindergarten in a couple weeks & I'm in total denial. 

Wyatt

• is POTTY TRAINED!!! Yay! It's been a long 8 months with him! & he is night trained as of today! 

Peyton

• is walking like a pro!

• is eating all sorts of foods & feeding himself (more like shoveling everything in as fast as he can!) 

• got ear tubes to help his ear infections! It has helped those but he's still very stubborn & like only his mama. 

• is a pro cryer! He does it 75% of the day! 

We are looking forward to summertime! They have been teased with good days & then rainy, snowy days! It just needs to be warm! 

We are also taking the boys to a BMX Riot show in a couple weeks. I know they will love it! 

I hope to keep this going again. I hate not posting! Too much to say at times I guess, & not enough time to write it all down! 

Until next time. 

• What If I Can't Enjoy Every Moment •

It's that look I get from complete strangers when they see us with four boys. That, "oh wow you have four boys, enjoy every moment it goes so quickly," comes up & I just nod my head & smile. 

Here’s the thing: I do enjoy this. I do look forward to those snuggling moments. I was the mama rocking her newborn at 3:00am reminding myself to do that very thing: to memorize the ten tiny pounds on my chest, the entire hand that wrapped around my one finger. 

I pay attention to every single moment.  I am aware of the minutes that somehow turn into days, weeks & years, and I love those moments because they define our family.

What about those moments that are hard? What about those minutes you do not cherish and the days that are not precious? What do those criticizing strangers say about those?

Like this weekend when my 7, 5, & 3 year olds would not listen, would not stop tattletaling & would not stop fighting. To top it off I was also dealing with my 1 year old, who has had double ear infections for what I can only bet is 2 months, screaming & clinging to my leg every time I stopped for two seconds. I had finally had enough when two of the three fought & pushed one into the innocent third one knocking him into the bed only to his head. I shut their doors, went into my room & I screamed ," I'm done with you, and promptly shut myself in our bedroom drinking Mt. Dew until I regained my sanity.

Or when we were at Winco & they were fighting over who had to get in & who was holding the sides of the grocery cart, that they ran into the people in front of them, while I was getting something off a shelf, & we got that "take care of your out of control kids" look.

Or during a day that I had gotten 1 hour of sleep the night before & my nerves & anxiety had reach its capacity and I was confronted with two completely demanding toddlers and I screamed Can’t you just go take care of yourself for awhile?!

Or the time that my 5 year old put a hot wheels car in the microwave and pushed start. It started on the microwave on fire & he blamed it on his 3 year old brother. 15 minutes later he copped up to it & you wonder if all that talking about lying & truth telling even made a difference with him. 

What about those moments that are just hard? What do we do then? Is it really even feasible to enjoy those?

Those moments when you feel like a failure of a mother. When you feel like you did not love them nearly as much or you ignored their needs far to much. When your patience slipped, when your words made them tear up & run away. 

But here’s the thing about moments: they have this way of moving. They tick and they flash and they creep by. Every single one of them. These moments are going to happen whether we want them to or not, whether we are ready for them or not. Some are going to be easier to enjoy than others, some are going to sting more than others, some will be more precious than others.

We are trying so very hard to not miss these moments because in our heart of hearts we know that the advice is true: time does fly, moments do pass, we should enjoy these moments. We know that time works on its own schedule, speeding up when we want it to slow down and crawling by when we need it to fly.

But here’s the thing: we’re not going to enjoy every moment. We’re just not. Because being a mama is hard. It just is.

So to the exhausted mamas and the new ones and the barely surviving ones and the sick ones and the obsessive ones and the ones at the end of her rope and the ones surviving on caffeine, forget about trying to enjoy every moment. It will be one more thing you feel like is one of those building blocks of mothrhood. 

Here’s what you need to know instead: you already are a good mother. You love your kids fiercely, and that is what counts.

So what if we reframe the word enjoy? What if instead of trying to enjoy every single moment, we lean into them instead?  What if we learn from those rough patches & be strong. It is an act of bravery in affirming that you are more than the sum of your terrible minutes. It is an act of courage to dig deep into each and every moment even if there are a few thorns.

And so now, when I am confronted with the whining and the bickering and the exhaustion and the worry and the fears threatening to take over, I will look for something new. I will look for what I can embrace within the moment: the chocolate staining her cheek from when she snuck a bite of cookie, new words like appetizer and ridiculous that she tries on for size even though they completely don’t fit, the other one’s new favorite skill of climbing up the frame of the door frames or even just maybe try to laugh instead of cry at how terribly out of control the day has gone.

Because I want to know that I lived completely whole. I want to know that my boys are offered everything, whether it makes a mess or not. Even through these little years that can be so very exhausting. Even through moments that threaten my very sanity. Even then.

And so the next time someone tells you to enjoy this just as you are about ready to scream at somebody, simply smile and say “I will.” And then with every ounce of courage within you: don’t let the hard day win, look for one teeny tiny moment you can grasp within all the crying and screaming & just embrace motherhood and all it entails. 

•The Liebster Award Round 2•

Ahh!!! Another nomination for The Liebster Award, I am so beyond honored & excited that sweetheart Ali at Unrefined Sweet Life loved our blog enough to nominate us!! Thank you!!

I hope I gave different answers than my other post! :/ So enjoy... 

Questions From Ali

1.  Why did you start blogging?

I love to scrapbook but the journal can't always provide the whole story. When I started blogging it was only the big things that we did as a family. Now it's all about our every day lives!

2.  Since beginning your blog, what has been your biggest success?

My biggest succes has been the last month, I began to write from the heart with encouragement from 2 FB groups! They have showed me everyone goes through similar problems! 

3.  Congratulations! You’ve won $5,000 on a scratch off ticket. How will you spend your winnings?

Redo by bathroom or parts of my basement! 

4.  What is your favorite book? Safe Haven Why?

I love Nicholas Sparks! He writes with something I can imagine in my head & it lets me zone out of my crazy boy mama life. 

5.  Describe your style. What are 5 pieces that you think everyone should have in their closet? 

I'm definitely a jean & T-shirt kinda girl!! I think every girl should have a pair of comfy jeans that you can dress up to go out or dress down for a day at home, a pair of black leggings, a cute dolman top, flats to match, & flip flops!!

6. What is your guilty pleasure movie and snack?  

Definitely Burlesque, only because I secretly wish I could do that!! My snack would be Little Debbie Zebra Cakes & Mt. Dew!

7.  If you were making the perfect ice cream sundae, what would it consist of? 

Layered from bottom to top: Brownie, Sliced Bananas, caramel, cookies & cream ice cream, caramel & a maraschino cherry on top!

8.  In a box of 96 crayons, what color would you be? What is the name of the color? (i.e. Macaroni & Cheese Orange) 

Cerulean Blue

9.  Name three things that help get you through the day.

1. Mt. Dew

2. Instagram

3. My boys

10. What is your signature dish to bring to a get-together/party?

Acini De Pepi Salad! We know it as Frog Eye Salad!

11.  Name one milestone (goal) for your blog that you’d like to reach in 2015.

I am hoping to get a series called "Facing Life" started soon! Everyone knows that life is hard & there are lots of people that go through the same thing & my hope is that people can connect through the blog posts. 

Eleven Random Facts 

(1) When I'm stressed or upset to keep from crying I bite my bottom lip. Sometimes so much it bleeds. 

(2) I am the oldest of 3 kids. 1 brother 1 sister

(3) I met my husband on MySpace.

(4) I own a Dodge Grand Caravan! Yup I'm a minivan mom!

(5) When all of my kids are in school, I would like to start a daycare in town.... 5 years down the road!

(6) I've never received a speeding ticket.

(7) I have only dyed my hair once & it was horrid. I will never do it again. I will keep my dark brown! 

(8) Dance was my life in High School, I would love to get back into it. 

(9) We were married only 3 short months before I got pregnant & I'm kinda sad we didn't have longer! God does what needs to happen. 

(10) I started hunting when I was 12. I had to stop when I got pregnant because I was 8 months along when the season came around. My dad didn't want to deliver my baby on the mountain. My husband took over that job!!

(11) I have 1 husband, 3 sons & 1 step-son, 1 Daniff (Great Dane/Mastiff) & 1 Mini-Dachshund 

April at Our Little Loves

Jenn at Good Luck Jenn

Jennifer at A Glimpse Of Our Life

Elizabeth at Chasin' Mason

11 Questions For My Nominees! 

1. Are you a dog or a cat kinda person?

2. What are you most afraid of?

3. Favorite reality show?

4. Best childhood memory.

5. Go to drink or treat when your feeling down about your day? 

6. If your house caught on fire & you could grab 5 things what would they be? 

7. How did you meet your significant other? 

8. You win $500 million, if you would, your choice of donations would be where? 

9. Easiest thing about being a mom/wife? 

10. Hardest thing about being a mom/wife?

11. Who has influenced your life the most & why? 

Thank You again Ali! I'm so excited to have other people love our blog as much as we do!

•The Dreaded Toys On The Floor•

I can not count how many times a day I step on toys. They hide in the walking path from my kitchen to my most comfortable recliner ever! Some they don't even freakin hide. They are just out there in plain sight, in the middle of the floor. No matter how many times I tell those boys to clean up that train track or army guy before it ends up in between their toes, they just come back with "ok mom" & giggle while they go back to playing with their turtles or paw patrols or who knows what else they have on that floor. 

And then comes that moment that they are running in their room after each other or fighting over a toy. It happens, the inevitable foot pain. They stepped on that toy you told them to clean up 5 minutes ago. So many times I have wanted to say to them things that mamas only whisper under their breath. 

• "I told you that would happen."

• "It hurts doesn't it?"

• "Maybe you should listen to your mom once in a while" 

• "Neeener Neeener"

• "Sucks To Be You"

• "Walk it off, it happens to me 3 or 4 times a day. 

• "Oh you're fine, stop it."

But of course I would never say that. Those boys probably wouldn't listen to me even if I did. I can sympathize with them. It happens regularly and it hurts. I know what it feels like to step on the train tracks in perfect placement of the arch of my foot. It doesn't feel good. So I pick them up into my lap, snuggle, kiss the owie better, & rub their feet until they feel better.  I will always help them put those nasty toys away after the meltdown. And as always, maybe just to hear myself say it, I will tell them to put the toys they are not playing with away. 

• Those Nagging Reasons I Didn't Shower Today•

Dear Husband (who works all day only to come to this)

Oh hey, how was work today? I'm sorry you had to come home to me looking the exact same way I did this morning when you left. Oh no wait, my hair was down this morning when you got home it was in the best looking messy bun EVER!! Does that count for something?  I seriously had every intention of cleaning myself up, but well... Here are my excuses...

1.  The baby kept me up & you hogged the blanket! We played tug-o-war with the blanket all night! I made the older two play in their room & watch a movie till the baby woke up just for an extra 45 minutes, which meant I missed that window of opportunity while he was still sleeping!

2. Everyone wanted breakfast, but the regular pop-tart & Paw Patrol just wasn't good enough! So after the cereal was chosen & the milk was poured, I switched a load of laundry & got distracted. 

3. Once I decided to get in I realized I didn't have clean sweats/yoga pants & I didn't want to put on dirty ones so I decided to wait till the laundry was done. 

4. Nap time is usually a good opportunity, but only if the babes decide to cooperate. & they didn't so that one was gone too. 

5. So I decided to attempt to exercise (since I was already in dirty clothes), but the baby just kept crawling on me & the older two kept screaming "incoming" & I was hurrying to get out of the way before I got a kick to the ribs, so I gave up on that one. 

6. & in between all the "5 minute pick ups" today, I barely got the dishes & laundry done! 

7. Then somehow it's 5:00 & your home in an hour. Which means if I didn't get anything out earlier for dinner I better find something quick. Heaven forbids you boys not eat!! 

8. And the messy bun- sweats- no makeup thing is hot right!? Yes I know you think it is!!

9. Besides those baby wipes are good for cleaning. I cleaned my stinky arm pits & put lots of deodorant on. Now I smell like a sweet smelling baby!! Lucky You!!

So instead of looking at me like its the worst horror show you've ever seen, you could handle those wild boys & let me get in & soak in a hot bathtub!! & afterwards we can put the kids to bed & watch our nighttime tv addictions!! Law & Order SVU is screaming our names!!! 

XoXo

Your Hot Mess Of A Wife

•The Liebster Award•

Yay! I am so excited to be receiving this award! It's the first one ever! It's such an honor to be receiving the Liebster Award! I am so grateful for joining The Blog Love Project and meeting all the new bloggers and being nominated!

The Liebster Award is an award given from bloggers to bloggers and I was nominated by Lexi from A Blissful Haven ! Thank You so much for looking at my blog and giving me the honor. I have high hopes for She Loved A Little Boy in 2015.

My questions from Lexi

1. Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging as a way to keep our family in Utah updated on us in little ol' Idaho! Once I really started understanding Blogger and how it worked, I started using my blog posts as a way to relax and have some me time.

2. If you could be a character from a T.V. show, who would it be and why?

Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU

She is a bad-ass detective. I love detective work first of all and if I lived in a town that I could do a job like that, I would do it in a heartbeat! She is smart, gorgeous, brave, and if you watch it on a regular basis like we do, you'd know she is strong and doesn't let anyone bring her down. 

3. What is your favorite flower?

Hands down it's a hibiscus. I used to want one as a tattoo, but have decided something else recently! 

4. Where is your favorite place to blog?

My favorite place is my comfy little recliner! I pretty much live in it, who am I kidding!? I love to snuggle under a blanket, with a Mt. Dew, snack & blogger.

5. What is your favorite thing to make?

I love pinterest! I have found so many good recipes on there. Our new favorite is Chicken Taco Casserole. 

6. What is your style and what is your favorite thing to wear?

I am a SAHM so my choice of clothing to wear is sweatpants and yoga pants. I love to be comfortable. Yes I definitely like to wear jeans boots and a cute top if we go out to dinner or something. If i'm just running errands around town though i'm a jeans and tee shirt kinda girl!

7. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I would LOVE to go to Africa! The wildlife is amazing there. The zoo's just don't do their natural habitats justice. I would love to go on a safari trip.

8. Describe the best evening ever.

On my love's days off we love to rent movies and stay in! I love that because I don't have to leave my babies. I don't leave them often and when I do I am overly worried that I can't enjoy my night. Plus, again, I like that I can enjoy a good movie in my sweats under a blanket!

9. What is your secret obsession?

I am terrible at buying new pens and notebooks. I probably have at least 5 notebooks that I buy, use one section and then buy another. I just like the fact that it's new! & if I see a set of pens that are a new, cute design that I don't have, I will buy them!

10. What do you do to relax?

I love to soak in the tub! It has been my go to since I was pregnant with Carter. I just love to know that i'm all alone and since my boys know they can't come in to bug me it's perfect! Especially on daddy's days off.

11. What is your dream career?

I would love to own a daycare someday. I worked at one in college and absolutely fell in love with the kids and the way they loved running around and do fun projects. We don't have anything like that where I live & I would love to be the one to do it. 

11 Random Things About Me

1. I am always sleepy! I used to sleep till noon and now I'm lucky if I get 3-4 hours. I don't survive well without sleep.

2. Which is why I am a caffeine-a-holic. I love me some Mt. Dew!

3. I have high anxiety in public. I'm a mess when we go anywhere outside of home!

4. My boys are wild & they test my patience ALL THE TIME. It's a work in progress. 

5. I am very self conscious & fight my old eating problems every day since having my first baby.

6. I am a strong advocate for postpartum and post traumatic stress disorder. I've suffered both.

7. My husband makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE DAY. One of the many reasons I love him so much.

8. I love my sweatpants. ( I just realized how much I emphasize on that)

9. I am jealous of those girls who can bounce back after baby, especially after C-Sections. I had 2 and I'm struggling.

10. Every chance I get I tell strangers about my "diabetic baby." They may not understand much, but at least I have made someone aware of it.

 11. My favorite all-time show is Friends. I have seen every episode a million times and I still giggle at the same things. 

11 Questions For My Nominees

1. What's your favorite recipe?

2. What's your dream vacation?

3. What was the best year of your life and why?

4. What's your favorite T.V. show?

5. What's your weird obsessions?

6. What has been the best thing your parents have ever taught you?

7. Who is your hero and why?

8. Are you a dog or cat person?

9. What has been the hardest thing you've ever gone through?

10. Would you rather a night in with comfy's or a night out with new clothes?

11. What does your relaxing night look like?

Here Are My Nominees

Jennifer from Baby Steps In High Heels

Sara from Living Her Dream

Lindsey from A Fox Tale

Kelli from Counting Our Blessings

Alyssa from From Our Front Porch Looking In

Make sure you check out these cute girls and their blogs! Again I want to thank Lexi! I'm so honored!

• Winner Winner •

Living in small town Grace, ID it's fun to buy a scratch lottery ticket here & there! Sometimes you win nothing, sometimes your money back & sometimes you win big!!

$1,000 win called for a mini family vacation to Boise, ID to claim our winnings!! 

After we got done at the ticket office we went to Kam's most favorite store ever!

Peyt did not love our selfies! & Carter has been into Madagascar a lot lately so when we got to the African exhibit he asked if the animals were the same as Madagascar & if we were really in Africa!! Love his imagination.

We spent the night at Trevs sisters' house & the boys loved it! Peyt did not sleep, no surprise there. He never does! 

The next day we decided on the Idaho Aquarium! The boys were so excited to go & to our surprise they got to feed the stingrays & sharks! It was so much fun!!

We were waiting to check in to our hotel so we decided to check out the mall!! We  (Trevor), I was already determined, caved & went in Build A Bear!!! The boys had so so much fun!! They filled their choices with fluff, did a cute little thing for their hearts to put inside, gave them a bath to get all the fluff off & gave them a birth certificate!!

Then it came time to do the most anticipated activity!! 

They were so ecstatic to swim!!

So after all our excitement we had one of the best, most relaxing weekends ever! I don't think we have ever had a vacation that we didn't worry at all about money! We JUST HAD FUN!!! & that's all that matters!!

• You Know You're A Mom Of Boys When... •

- bath time rules:: no standing in the tub just to watch yourself pee

- you find toys where the food should be & food stashed where the toys should go

- the summertime sweaty smell reminds you that they are having fun & making memories

- throwing couch pillows is deadly

- when you sit on the potty & you're bum ends up wet with pee

- shooting imaginary animals with the nerf guns & toy rifles is totally acceptable 

- a quiet house means naughty, up to no good boys

- you don't ask about the bloody nose or the scraped knees... You just clean it up & kiss it better.

- laying on the floor is NEVER ok.. You will see running kids yelling "incoming"

-the stories you tell your friends with just girls, make them Thank God they only have girls

- the way to a little boys heart... High 5 & knuckles

- you know every Ninja Turtle, every mutant & who they were before the mutagen turned them over

- everything & anything will eventually be a sword or gun or thrown at the wall

- everyday you will survive a hurricane & after those wilds are settled in their beds, you walk out to assess the damage & remember they made lots of memories today!! 

• What It's Like To Be A Mommy •

 When I was old enough to start babysitting kids, outside of my little brother & sister, I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like when I became a mommy.

I wondered how many I would have. I wondered if I would have a little dancer like her momma or a little boy who every time he came to me with owies to kiss I would be wrapped one more time around his pinky finger! 

My dreams of becoming a mommy weighed heavily after I met the man I knew I was destined to marry. Never did I picture being a step-mom. There is not a day that goes by, I regret that. I love him & can't picture our lives without him. 

The day I gave birth to Carter was the day my life truly started. I had never loved someone so much. He instantly made my heart melt, again & again with every new milestone. That first smile, the first coo & then it's that first time you hear the word mama. Nothing will top that. 

We continued to have babies...Wyatt... Peyton & life became wild & chaotic. It's hard to focus on just one little one when we have four.  You don't picture what life will really be like. You dream of motherhood, not being a mommy. Those are two different aspects of a mom. 

Motherhood is pictured as 8 hours of sleep, because your babies are perfect enough to sleep through the night first week home. A simple daily schedule of owning a clean & organized house all time. You must dress your littles in expensive clothes to keep up with fashion. Clean faces who behave at all times in all the places you go. Motherhood could quite possibly be the easiest job ever...

If it were ANYTHING like that. It's not!

Being a mommy, is wondering when the last time your greasy hair was washed? If that spot on your shirt or pants is adult food, baby food, dog snot or poop. I am lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep on a regular basis, because of a colicky baby & a 5 year old who has nightmares. I don't get to work out daily because my wilds climb on me while I'm planking & think it's I'm a buckin bull. I am still carrying unecessary weight on my scarred stomach with which I gave birth by C-Section to those two littles. I am constantly hearing tattle tale rants & deciding on who farted or burped. 

These boys have completely run over me on days where I feel like I could give up at any moment. Those faces I kiss & hug every night with & a goodnight have me at their every beckon call. I would do anything to make sure they feel loved & safe. On days when I, as a person, feel at my lowest Carter whispers in Wyatts ear " Tell Mommy She's Beautiful." They are my rocks. 

I will enjoy them as littles & treasure every moment I have with these little stinkers! 

• Advocate or Hypocrite •

I feel like I don't express myself well. I am most of the time a blubbering idiot. I can't control myself when I'm trying to tell people how I feel.

Ever since I can remember I have been emotional. I get it from my momma! & ever since I can remember I have been hard headed, stubborn &.... a people pleaser. A little indifferent right!? Being as stubborn as I am, I should be fine to tell people how I do things & take nothing less! I am a big talker... It eats me ALIVE when I upset people or I don't do things the way someone thinks I should.

I can remember back to high school thinking life is going to be so easy. I am going to find someone to take care of me & our future family. I was happy & proud of everything in my life.

Well... Life truly starts after you become an 18 year old adult. I was faced with the reality of car payments, rent, a job,preparing my own meals ( cause heaven knows you can't eat out every meal, every day). I wasn't proud anymore. I was struggling.

I found the only person(outside my parents & siblings) I feel truly understands & loves every aspect of ME! Which is a miracle in its own. It's not easy living with me..

I always knew I was going to have babies. I grew up taking care of my baby sister & brother & babysitting. I went to college & found a job with kids... I love them! Other people's kids...


Now PLEASE don't take that outta context!

I love my kids & I will do ANYTHING in my power for them.
I just never knew the way my thinking & hormones would become so different after having them. I also never thought I would be the one to be on the "crazy pill". It just wasn't in my cards... Or so I thought.

So am I an advocate or a hypocrite?

I try to avoid the fact I'm on my meds. I don't talk about it. Or I laugh it off & make it seem like it's joke.

The sad truth is it's not a joke. I have had a problem coming to terms with it since Carter. Some of it comes from moving away from my mom shortly after having him, but to look on the bright side I moved within 20 minutes of my sweet angel Grandma! My papa, aunts & uncle were right there to help at a whim! It's not like I moved three states away with no help. Nonetheless it must had hit me hard, or now that I think about it that was a HARD, TOUGH, HEARTBREAKING reality check when I realized my grandma was in serious pain. She was dying & there was nothing anyone could do. I spent one year with her, Going every day that she felt ok for company. I miss her. She was one of my best friends & biggest supporters.

Is that why I started to feel so down about things? I know one thing is that is WHEN it started. & it has gotten worse since having a baby become a NICU graduate. I know there could be worse & that little teething, screaming, drool monster could have had a total different outcome with his life. But to say it has been easy for us since his diabetes went away would be a complete lie. I haven't experienced a colicky & demanding child until Peyt. & I feel like a brand new mom when I do most things with him. Life is & always will be a harsh reality.

I wake up, get outta bed & live because of those 3 cute little faces I wake up to everyday. I do the things a regular stay at home mom does.

But it's not who I am. I have post partum depression that I feel has turned into post traumatic stress. I experience anxiety. I experience bouts of tears, bouts of anger, & as much as people don't think I do.. bouts of laughter. I do enjoy life.

It's just sometimes that depression sneaks up on me & pulls me back in. Slowly but surely. & when it pulls it doesn't let up.

So the answer to the question... advocate or hypocrite?

Hypocrite...
I choose to avoid it. I choose to ignore it. & I choose to receive the consequences for it.

What do I want to be?

Advocate...
I want to help others. I want to live knowing others like me. I want people to know they don't have to be alone. & I want to lean on others who KNOW what I'm feeling. I know it's the right thing to do. Seek help & let others help me sort this out.

That does not always mean it's easy.

• I'm Just Like My Husband •

I'm not joking... It's serious. I always figured I was kind of a girly girl. I loved to dance, I never went anywhere without my make up & hair done & I showered every day just to shave my legs. I understand 10% of how they think & act now!!

I will do gross things!
Before the boys could lay on the floor or sit in the jumper, I made sure I had the floor vacuumed & the jumper wiped down. If they barely spit up on anything, it was taken off & washed immediately. Seriously, you try having 4 boys & keeping everything spic & span. It doesn't work. I have caught puke in my hands only to have it end up in my hair. I have cloroxed the bathtub after my 2 year old makes himself good & comfy to poop. I touch wet sheets after they've been peed on. & I just throw the blanket, with who knows what on it, in the washer & don't think twice. The boys can seriously come in with the dirtiest faces & hands & I just put them in the tub.

I can get ready in 15 minutes!
High School was a time when I felt like I needed to have my hair done & make up on no matter what. When I had Carter I was still working for the first 5 months. I was still in the makeup & hair routine. Once we moved to Utah & my husband started night shifts I learned how to get ready in 15 minutes before the baby cried. My hair became straight & flat to my head...no more poofs... & my makeup consisted of pretty close to nothing. Thank goodness I was blessed with decent skin. Now life consists of me getting myself & all 4 kids ready in 30 minutes & waitin on dad in the car!

I now suck at listening!
When one of my friends needed to talk pre-family life, I was right there with listening ears. I can NOT talk on the phone to ANYONE without kids interrupting, the baby screaming, or the dogs barking at someone driving by. It's ridiculous. The kids ask me for something & they have to repeat themselves 2 or 3 times before one of the other kids will be quiet enough for me to hear.

I replaced foreplay with “After Sleep"!
Seriously I'm sure it's a TMI. So sorry... But our 4 year old hasn't slept good since we moved to Utah. He was up with night terrors constantly. & now our 2 year old is having them. Peyton is a very alert sleeper. A creek in the floor will wake him up easily. We have a time window that has to be met fast! I would rather get to it & have some good ol after sleep. Preferably on my belly & no snuggles. I get to hot & my husband snores!

• Family Night •

We decided to start doing a family night once a week. Not necessarily on Monday, just once a week. We chose to go fishing tonight!! It started out fun....













Wyatt was the only one who caught anything! A small bass! He was totally thrilled with himself!!
















We packed a picnic dinner & fished for about an hour & a half. It ended with a sad 4 yr old who caught no fish & a sad baby P who was hungry.