• Everything Happens For A Reason •

Welcome to the first of my 30 posts of July! I had the opportunity to connect with lots of other bloggers, one specific who set the group up, and I'm so excited to get back on the blog train! I've missed it. 

So I'd like to give an introduction first, I've had a lot of new followers on my Facebook page! My name is Kylie Mecham. I'm married to the love of my life, he gives me so much love! I also am a mama & step mama to 4 little boys! My youngest was born with a rare genetic disorder that caused him to be born with diabetes, it's now gone but will be back later in life. He spent 73 days in SLC, UT at Primary Children's Hospital. It was the hardest trial I've been through as a mom since becoming one 5.5 years ago. I love blogging. I love fitness. I have found it makes me focus on my life a little better. I can take out my stress on fitness & I love writing about real & raw things. It makes me feel like I'm connecting with people! 

It's funny how your life changes once you become a mom. In high school I thought life was hard, it was the easiest 4 years of my life. I thought I would never become the crazy girl, or the one who couldn't lose the baby weight. I became both. I started out with just a small bout of PPD after having my first baby, but with each one it got worse. I didn't realize, and neither did anyone else, that I was having problems until a couple months after my second baby. My mood swings were uncontrollable, my relationships with my husband, kids, & others was deteriorating & I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. I finally went to the doctor & the medicine really helped. And then Peyt came along, long story short, easy pregnancy, no problems & then my repeat c-section brought a tiny 3 lb 15 oz baby boy in my life. & he was sick. Very sick. & I was right back into that PPD except this time being in a major hospital & having the monitors constantly going off I developed some PTSD to go along with it. I was a mess. We brought him home like I said after 73 days & at times I had no idea what I was doing. I just continued to spiral downhill & it was awful. I started working out after Peyt turned one & it's been my saving grace since. I have such better days when I get that fast 30 minute workout in! It's true when they say you get much happier from exercising. 

I can't help wonder what my life would have been like had I not been a hormonal wife or mom. Would my boys have a normal, happy childhood? When they get older, will they remember that year they're mom went bat shit crazy? It's a huge blessing that had family & a husband who believed & loved me enough to stick with me. Everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe you are given trials to lead you to your next road in life, good or bad. You just need to live your life according to YOU! No worrying about what everyone else thinks. 

I hope to really get this blog going with this fun challenge! I have so many ideas & so much to say... 

STAY TUNED!

• Mothers Day 2015 •

So of course here I am at 11:30 finally sitting down to write a post on some of the most influential woman of my life! I never realized how hard it is to be a mom until I became one 5 years ago! It's amazing to me that life flies right by & you never truly know what's coming next! 

• My # 1 •

My mom has taught me everything I know! I am amazed at what she went through as a young mom & made it out alive with us all well brought up! She sacrificed a lot to stay home with us as kids! I'm so glad she taught me how to be a mom! She taught me to be strong, compassionate & loving! She taught me patience, heaven knows I need all the help I can get! She has been here for my family no matter what! She took care of my older boys when Peyt was in SLC & I never had any fear that my boys weren't ok! They love their Grandma Kellee! Carter would live there if I'd let him! 

• Trevs # 1 •

Grandma Nancy is always so fun with the kids! She loves to be around her family! She raised the man I love so very much! She taught him how to be a gentlemen & an amazing dad! She taught him to always take care of his family first & he is so amazing at that! I am so glad they are always willing to step in to help us kids when we need it! My boys love their Grandma Nancy! I'm so glad my boys will always have an amazing relationship with her! She is so thoughtful & loving! She is always putting us before her needs! 

• My Angel •

I honestly can't believe we have survived this long without her. Grandma Vicki was one of the most amazing, selfless, loving, kind, big hearted woman I have ever known. She taught my mom how to be an amazing mom & she taught me how to love unconditionally. My grandma never EVER complained about her life. She was dealt such a hard one the last few years of her life. She was so amazingly strong! She fought hard to stay as long as she did. I always know if there is something I need help with I can turn to her! She visits in dreams often. Random memories will pop into my head when I need them the most! I know she had a part in helping Peyt pick us as his parents, she knew I needed him just as much as he would need me! I love & miss her so very much! 

• My # 1 Sister •

I'm so proud to say she is my sister! She is an amazing mom to Kasleigh & I can't wait for her to bring Harleigh into this world tomorrow! She is so sweet & loving to my boys! There is no way we could have survived our SLC stay without her. She got Carter to school & made sure that Wyatt was taken care of until Grandma took over! She is a lifesaver!

• The Boys That Made Me A Mom & Step-Mom•

These 4 give me so much joy! I never knew I could love someone as much as I do those boys! They are the reason I get up every morning & drive myself to be better each day! They are the most hilarious & entertaining wilds I've ever met! They give me so much hope for our future life. I know they will be some of the best behaved boys because they are part of the best line of women I've met! They are so amazing & sometimes it's hard to let go of them! 

Happy Mothers Day to all the sweet moms in my life! I love you all!! 

• Tuesday Talk •

I am doing Tuesday Talk a little late tonight. It's been a rough day with my wilds! I seen this story about a mom who wrote about that one question everyone asks when you tell them it's a boy for the third time, you'll have try for a girl for your fourth right!? 

I joke about it all the time. Someone says to me "you gotta try for a girl right!?" I usually say something like, not if my dr did his job! Because with my last babe I had a repeat C-section & got a tubal as well. It's fine to fake it while your standing face to face with someone, but deep down it always gets to me for a minute. 

Are my cute boys not enough for you?

Am I not good enough to be a boy mama?

Are you going to make me re-think about the fact that I won't ever have cute bows & dance outfits on my little girl?

I have already thought about those things! 1) my boys are adorable 2) I'm an amazing sidekick to those ninja's & superheroes & 3) I do NOT have the patience for a little girl! I would love to have a tiny dancer but it's not for me! 

It makes me sad to think that having all boys is something to dread. Yes, my boys have the nickname "The Wilds" & they live up to it every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my boys. I thank Him for giving me boys that have good manners (on most days). I thank Him for little boys who tell me on some my very worst days that I'm the most beautiful mommy in the whole big world! 

I would NEVER trade my blues for pink any day. 

I look forward to watching my boys play sports with their dad & to see that twinkle in Trevs eye when he's proud of the way they're learning or succeeding in life. 

I look forward to watching my boys pick the person they will fall in love with & be the best husband & dad because they learned from some of the best men I know! & then I will get the best daughters I could ask for because my boys chose them! 

I will always be a boy mom & I will never have any fear of that! I am so thankful that these boys give me hope & an amazing reason to live this life & have fun. They have taught me fun! They have taught me to live in the moment no matter where or what. They have taught me unconditional love. I am a proud Stay At Home Boy Mom! 

• Life Lately •

I have been extremely MIA from this blog!! We haven't been that exciting but... There have been a few moments! 

Trev & I

• Trev is still working at Kiewit, but he runs the dozer instead of driving a truck now!! & got a pay raise! 

• I am still livin it up as a stay at home mama! & working on bettering my health! I am one month free of caffeine with the exception of a few! :/ (no one is perfect!) I am working on losing the baby bulge around my hips with a little Shaun T & Insanity Max 30! I will slowly but surely get there!! 

Kam

• has lost another tooth, that makes 7!

Carter

• is going to be registering for Kindergarten in a couple weeks & I'm in total denial. 

Wyatt

• is POTTY TRAINED!!! Yay! It's been a long 8 months with him! & he is night trained as of today! 

Peyton

• is walking like a pro!

• is eating all sorts of foods & feeding himself (more like shoveling everything in as fast as he can!) 

• got ear tubes to help his ear infections! It has helped those but he's still very stubborn & like only his mama. 

• is a pro cryer! He does it 75% of the day! 

We are looking forward to summertime! They have been teased with good days & then rainy, snowy days! It just needs to be warm! 

We are also taking the boys to a BMX Riot show in a couple weeks. I know they will love it! 

I hope to keep this going again. I hate not posting! Too much to say at times I guess, & not enough time to write it all down! 

Until next time. 

• What If I Can't Enjoy Every Moment •

It's that look I get from complete strangers when they see us with four boys. That, "oh wow you have four boys, enjoy every moment it goes so quickly," comes up & I just nod my head & smile. 

Here’s the thing: I do enjoy this. I do look forward to those snuggling moments. I was the mama rocking her newborn at 3:00am reminding myself to do that very thing: to memorize the ten tiny pounds on my chest, the entire hand that wrapped around my one finger. 

I pay attention to every single moment.  I am aware of the minutes that somehow turn into days, weeks & years, and I love those moments because they define our family.

What about those moments that are hard? What about those minutes you do not cherish and the days that are not precious? What do those criticizing strangers say about those?

Like this weekend when my 7, 5, & 3 year olds would not listen, would not stop tattletaling & would not stop fighting. To top it off I was also dealing with my 1 year old, who has had double ear infections for what I can only bet is 2 months, screaming & clinging to my leg every time I stopped for two seconds. I had finally had enough when two of the three fought & pushed one into the innocent third one knocking him into the bed only to his head. I shut their doors, went into my room & I screamed ," I'm done with you, and promptly shut myself in our bedroom drinking Mt. Dew until I regained my sanity.

Or when we were at Winco & they were fighting over who had to get in & who was holding the sides of the grocery cart, that they ran into the people in front of them, while I was getting something off a shelf, & we got that "take care of your out of control kids" look.

Or during a day that I had gotten 1 hour of sleep the night before & my nerves & anxiety had reach its capacity and I was confronted with two completely demanding toddlers and I screamed Can’t you just go take care of yourself for awhile?!

Or the time that my 5 year old put a hot wheels car in the microwave and pushed start. It started on the microwave on fire & he blamed it on his 3 year old brother. 15 minutes later he copped up to it & you wonder if all that talking about lying & truth telling even made a difference with him. 

What about those moments that are just hard? What do we do then? Is it really even feasible to enjoy those?

Those moments when you feel like a failure of a mother. When you feel like you did not love them nearly as much or you ignored their needs far to much. When your patience slipped, when your words made them tear up & run away. 

But here’s the thing about moments: they have this way of moving. They tick and they flash and they creep by. Every single one of them. These moments are going to happen whether we want them to or not, whether we are ready for them or not. Some are going to be easier to enjoy than others, some are going to sting more than others, some will be more precious than others.

We are trying so very hard to not miss these moments because in our heart of hearts we know that the advice is true: time does fly, moments do pass, we should enjoy these moments. We know that time works on its own schedule, speeding up when we want it to slow down and crawling by when we need it to fly.

But here’s the thing: we’re not going to enjoy every moment. We’re just not. Because being a mama is hard. It just is.

So to the exhausted mamas and the new ones and the barely surviving ones and the sick ones and the obsessive ones and the ones at the end of her rope and the ones surviving on caffeine, forget about trying to enjoy every moment. It will be one more thing you feel like is one of those building blocks of mothrhood. 

Here’s what you need to know instead: you already are a good mother. You love your kids fiercely, and that is what counts.

So what if we reframe the word enjoy? What if instead of trying to enjoy every single moment, we lean into them instead?  What if we learn from those rough patches & be strong. It is an act of bravery in affirming that you are more than the sum of your terrible minutes. It is an act of courage to dig deep into each and every moment even if there are a few thorns.

And so now, when I am confronted with the whining and the bickering and the exhaustion and the worry and the fears threatening to take over, I will look for something new. I will look for what I can embrace within the moment: the chocolate staining her cheek from when she snuck a bite of cookie, new words like appetizer and ridiculous that she tries on for size even though they completely don’t fit, the other one’s new favorite skill of climbing up the frame of the door frames or even just maybe try to laugh instead of cry at how terribly out of control the day has gone.

Because I want to know that I lived completely whole. I want to know that my boys are offered everything, whether it makes a mess or not. Even through these little years that can be so very exhausting. Even through moments that threaten my very sanity. Even then.

And so the next time someone tells you to enjoy this just as you are about ready to scream at somebody, simply smile and say “I will.” And then with every ounce of courage within you: don’t let the hard day win, look for one teeny tiny moment you can grasp within all the crying and screaming & just embrace motherhood and all it entails. 

• Facing Life: Meeting My Diabetic Baby •

When I was pregnant with Peyton, I had that feeling that he was my last. I tried to enjoy every single part of it, but for the first 3.5 months I was sick. It got better & my the end I had gained a good 45 lbs! Little did I know that 45 lbs was just going to be on me. Peyton was delivered at 38 weeks. He came tiny, but fighting! You can read about his birth here. 

From day one I wondered what I could have done different. There were so many moments sitting in the NICU thinking about the things that could go wrong. 6q24 Transient Neinatal Diabetes Mellitus is one of the scariest phrases I've ever heard to describe my baby. Here is some information about it. My grandpa has Type 2 Diabetes. All I knew before Peyt was that my grandpa couldn't have to many candy bars or he would be sick. I compared Peyton to a roller coaster a lot in the NICU. His glucose levels were out of control. Low one minute, high the next, leveled out to normal & then he'd spike or drop again. It was always a small victory if we could stay within his range two or three times in a row. If babies could talk, I tried to imagine what Peyton would say. Would he cry "ow" every time they pricked his little heel? Would he scream " mommy,daddy don't leave me" every time we walked out that door to our 2.5 hour drive home? Would he be able to know the difference in a high & a low to tell the nurses how he was feeling? 

I had a lot of time to think sitting & rocking my baby or coming home without a newborn. I had a hard time getting to sleep every night without him. I would call to check on him every single night & tell the nurse to give him an extra squeeze for me through a couple tears. That never faded away. Even when I brought him home I would kiss him before I laid him down & got teary eyed sometimes.

When I would walk into his NICU room, it was like a piece of my heart was returned. I never felt whole because my other boys weren't with me. The day I felt whole again was April 22, 2014. We brought Peyton home & I was extremely nervous. I was so excited to know he was healthy enough to come home, but hopeful & praying that we would have no emergencies. 

We made it 3.5 months with monogenic diabetes & survived! Luckily for me Peyton was on specific amounts of formula so I never needed to count grams of sugar & all that. The poking, the final 3 heartbeats in the 3 seconds waiting for his meter to read, was worth it. He is a healthy & striving baby boy! 

I have learned so much from this boy, patience mainly! I had no idea what stress was until this boy came along. He is demanding & usually gets what he wants. Which means mama holds him a lot. I have learned time management, anytime he lets me put him down to play I hurry & get a room cleaned. I have to or my house would be a wreck! 

He turned 1 year old today & is my hero! He is 1 of 24 in the world with his condition. He's pure heaven! 

Happy

Birthday

Peyton

Your mommy and daddy love you forever! We hope you continue to fight in life & be the tough & strong person we know you are capable of being! 

• Facing Life Guidelines •

First, thank you for your interest in this series. I have never done a series like this but I have also never had a trying year until 2014. I vowed to be an advocate for postpartum depression, PTSD, & special needs babies. Please read my introductory post 

Facing Life: Meeting My "Diabetic" Baby

Here are the guidelines I'd like you to follow. Any questions I can be contacted at my email below or if your FB friends, message me! 

1) If you incorporate your faith into your piece, try to make it general. Many of the readers will be of different faiths, please be sensitive to that. 

2) Length can be a tricky one. I want you to be comfortable enough to share all of your stories and thoughts, but the more to the point you are the better. The goal is to keep the readers interested. 

3) Please email your piece to mecham.ky@gmail.com, along with a recent family photo. If you don't have extras to add, it's ok. If you do have some & know where you want them place,do so & I will post it like that. 

4) I have chosen Facing Life as the series title. Please title your email Facing Life: (your triumph/struggle) ex: Facing Life: Meeting My "Diabetic" Baby. 

5) I would like the last paragraph to be something you've learned along the way of your struggle. Whether it be something about yourself or a way you've learned to cope. 

6) And lastly I would like for you to include all social media links & a small 5-7 sentence bio with a recent family photo! 

This is not a paying job. It is strictly to be personal, raw & real. I want others to know they are not alone. I love reading posts that I can relate to & feeling the emotions they go through. We are a lot stronger than we know. It takes people that know how we feel to lift us up. 

**Update** I've had a lot of people ask if it needs to be new or a previously written post. I need new pieces. If it's previously read, it's not going to reach as many people. 

•The Dreaded Toys On The Floor•

I can not count how many times a day I step on toys. They hide in the walking path from my kitchen to my most comfortable recliner ever! Some they don't even freakin hide. They are just out there in plain sight, in the middle of the floor. No matter how many times I tell those boys to clean up that train track or army guy before it ends up in between their toes, they just come back with "ok mom" & giggle while they go back to playing with their turtles or paw patrols or who knows what else they have on that floor. 

And then comes that moment that they are running in their room after each other or fighting over a toy. It happens, the inevitable foot pain. They stepped on that toy you told them to clean up 5 minutes ago. So many times I have wanted to say to them things that mamas only whisper under their breath. 

• "I told you that would happen."

• "It hurts doesn't it?"

• "Maybe you should listen to your mom once in a while" 

• "Neeener Neeener"

• "Sucks To Be You"

• "Walk it off, it happens to me 3 or 4 times a day. 

• "Oh you're fine, stop it."

But of course I would never say that. Those boys probably wouldn't listen to me even if I did. I can sympathize with them. It happens regularly and it hurts. I know what it feels like to step on the train tracks in perfect placement of the arch of my foot. It doesn't feel good. So I pick them up into my lap, snuggle, kiss the owie better, & rub their feet until they feel better.  I will always help them put those nasty toys away after the meltdown. And as always, maybe just to hear myself say it, I will tell them to put the toys they are not playing with away. 

• Those Nagging Reasons I Didn't Shower Today•

Dear Husband (who works all day only to come to this)

Oh hey, how was work today? I'm sorry you had to come home to me looking the exact same way I did this morning when you left. Oh no wait, my hair was down this morning when you got home it was in the best looking messy bun EVER!! Does that count for something?  I seriously had every intention of cleaning myself up, but well... Here are my excuses...

1.  The baby kept me up & you hogged the blanket! We played tug-o-war with the blanket all night! I made the older two play in their room & watch a movie till the baby woke up just for an extra 45 minutes, which meant I missed that window of opportunity while he was still sleeping!

2. Everyone wanted breakfast, but the regular pop-tart & Paw Patrol just wasn't good enough! So after the cereal was chosen & the milk was poured, I switched a load of laundry & got distracted. 

3. Once I decided to get in I realized I didn't have clean sweats/yoga pants & I didn't want to put on dirty ones so I decided to wait till the laundry was done. 

4. Nap time is usually a good opportunity, but only if the babes decide to cooperate. & they didn't so that one was gone too. 

5. So I decided to attempt to exercise (since I was already in dirty clothes), but the baby just kept crawling on me & the older two kept screaming "incoming" & I was hurrying to get out of the way before I got a kick to the ribs, so I gave up on that one. 

6. & in between all the "5 minute pick ups" today, I barely got the dishes & laundry done! 

7. Then somehow it's 5:00 & your home in an hour. Which means if I didn't get anything out earlier for dinner I better find something quick. Heaven forbids you boys not eat!! 

8. And the messy bun- sweats- no makeup thing is hot right!? Yes I know you think it is!!

9. Besides those baby wipes are good for cleaning. I cleaned my stinky arm pits & put lots of deodorant on. Now I smell like a sweet smelling baby!! Lucky You!!

So instead of looking at me like its the worst horror show you've ever seen, you could handle those wild boys & let me get in & soak in a hot bathtub!! & afterwards we can put the kids to bed & watch our nighttime tv addictions!! Law & Order SVU is screaming our names!!! 

XoXo

Your Hot Mess Of A Wife

•The Liebster Award•

Yay! I am so excited to be receiving this award! It's the first one ever! It's such an honor to be receiving the Liebster Award! I am so grateful for joining The Blog Love Project and meeting all the new bloggers and being nominated!

The Liebster Award is an award given from bloggers to bloggers and I was nominated by Lexi from A Blissful Haven ! Thank You so much for looking at my blog and giving me the honor. I have high hopes for She Loved A Little Boy in 2015.

My questions from Lexi

1. Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging as a way to keep our family in Utah updated on us in little ol' Idaho! Once I really started understanding Blogger and how it worked, I started using my blog posts as a way to relax and have some me time.

2. If you could be a character from a T.V. show, who would it be and why?

Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU

She is a bad-ass detective. I love detective work first of all and if I lived in a town that I could do a job like that, I would do it in a heartbeat! She is smart, gorgeous, brave, and if you watch it on a regular basis like we do, you'd know she is strong and doesn't let anyone bring her down. 

3. What is your favorite flower?

Hands down it's a hibiscus. I used to want one as a tattoo, but have decided something else recently! 

4. Where is your favorite place to blog?

My favorite place is my comfy little recliner! I pretty much live in it, who am I kidding!? I love to snuggle under a blanket, with a Mt. Dew, snack & blogger.

5. What is your favorite thing to make?

I love pinterest! I have found so many good recipes on there. Our new favorite is Chicken Taco Casserole. 

6. What is your style and what is your favorite thing to wear?

I am a SAHM so my choice of clothing to wear is sweatpants and yoga pants. I love to be comfortable. Yes I definitely like to wear jeans boots and a cute top if we go out to dinner or something. If i'm just running errands around town though i'm a jeans and tee shirt kinda girl!

7. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I would LOVE to go to Africa! The wildlife is amazing there. The zoo's just don't do their natural habitats justice. I would love to go on a safari trip.

8. Describe the best evening ever.

On my love's days off we love to rent movies and stay in! I love that because I don't have to leave my babies. I don't leave them often and when I do I am overly worried that I can't enjoy my night. Plus, again, I like that I can enjoy a good movie in my sweats under a blanket!

9. What is your secret obsession?

I am terrible at buying new pens and notebooks. I probably have at least 5 notebooks that I buy, use one section and then buy another. I just like the fact that it's new! & if I see a set of pens that are a new, cute design that I don't have, I will buy them!

10. What do you do to relax?

I love to soak in the tub! It has been my go to since I was pregnant with Carter. I just love to know that i'm all alone and since my boys know they can't come in to bug me it's perfect! Especially on daddy's days off.

11. What is your dream career?

I would love to own a daycare someday. I worked at one in college and absolutely fell in love with the kids and the way they loved running around and do fun projects. We don't have anything like that where I live & I would love to be the one to do it. 

11 Random Things About Me

1. I am always sleepy! I used to sleep till noon and now I'm lucky if I get 3-4 hours. I don't survive well without sleep.

2. Which is why I am a caffeine-a-holic. I love me some Mt. Dew!

3. I have high anxiety in public. I'm a mess when we go anywhere outside of home!

4. My boys are wild & they test my patience ALL THE TIME. It's a work in progress. 

5. I am very self conscious & fight my old eating problems every day since having my first baby.

6. I am a strong advocate for postpartum and post traumatic stress disorder. I've suffered both.

7. My husband makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE DAY. One of the many reasons I love him so much.

8. I love my sweatpants. ( I just realized how much I emphasize on that)

9. I am jealous of those girls who can bounce back after baby, especially after C-Sections. I had 2 and I'm struggling.

10. Every chance I get I tell strangers about my "diabetic baby." They may not understand much, but at least I have made someone aware of it.

 11. My favorite all-time show is Friends. I have seen every episode a million times and I still giggle at the same things. 

11 Questions For My Nominees

1. What's your favorite recipe?

2. What's your dream vacation?

3. What was the best year of your life and why?

4. What's your favorite T.V. show?

5. What's your weird obsessions?

6. What has been the best thing your parents have ever taught you?

7. Who is your hero and why?

8. Are you a dog or cat person?

9. What has been the hardest thing you've ever gone through?

10. Would you rather a night in with comfy's or a night out with new clothes?

11. What does your relaxing night look like?

Here Are My Nominees

Jennifer from Baby Steps In High Heels

Sara from Living Her Dream

Lindsey from A Fox Tale

Kelli from Counting Our Blessings

Alyssa from From Our Front Porch Looking In

Make sure you check out these cute girls and their blogs! Again I want to thank Lexi! I'm so honored!

• You Know You're A Mom Of Boys When... •

- bath time rules:: no standing in the tub just to watch yourself pee

- you find toys where the food should be & food stashed where the toys should go

- the summertime sweaty smell reminds you that they are having fun & making memories

- throwing couch pillows is deadly

- when you sit on the potty & you're bum ends up wet with pee

- shooting imaginary animals with the nerf guns & toy rifles is totally acceptable 

- a quiet house means naughty, up to no good boys

- you don't ask about the bloody nose or the scraped knees... You just clean it up & kiss it better.

- laying on the floor is NEVER ok.. You will see running kids yelling "incoming"

-the stories you tell your friends with just girls, make them Thank God they only have girls

- the way to a little boys heart... High 5 & knuckles

- you know every Ninja Turtle, every mutant & who they were before the mutagen turned them over

- everything & anything will eventually be a sword or gun or thrown at the wall

- everyday you will survive a hurricane & after those wilds are settled in their beds, you walk out to assess the damage & remember they made lots of memories today!! 

• Mommy Facts •

1. Moms may not always be patient, but we sure try our hardest. Sometimes when you are stuck inside all day with no one but a 5, 2, & 11 month old, you lose your patience by bed time! 8:00 can not come soon enough.

2. Speaking of, Moms love bed time & there isn't anything wrong with that. Bedtime is our way of keeping our sanity. It's our breathing time. It's my blogging time! More importantly it's QUIET time!

3. Stay at home moms have hard days, even if they can't explain why. SAHM's get ridiculed all the time for having one of the easiest jobs ever. It's not easy, it's hard some days & to explain it to your spouse is not easy. There can be multiple things wrong & you can't pinpoint what threw you over the edge. 

4. Moms can't always get ready, even if they want. You can try all you want to get up, do your morning cleaning & expect to get ready. But then, "I pooped" & you discover it's all over because the hand went down the pants. Bigger clean up than expected. You start with your hair & then the baby starts crying. Nap time after lunch you just give up because your gonna get interrupted anyways. Yoga/comfy pants & a messy bun is your everyday. 

5. Moms make mistakes & it's normal. Moms are human too. Mistakes happen to some of the best & hardworking people. Just because we are in charge of multiple humans at a time DOES NOT mean we are perfect! It's totally ok. 

6. Moms are powerful, more then they know. I hate to say it, but moms are the go to when it comes to owies or needs. It's the mommies job to deal with that.. It always will be. Daddy may be the man of the house! But we own the power! 

• What It's Like To Be A Mommy •

 When I was old enough to start babysitting kids, outside of my little brother & sister, I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like when I became a mommy.

I wondered how many I would have. I wondered if I would have a little dancer like her momma or a little boy who every time he came to me with owies to kiss I would be wrapped one more time around his pinky finger! 

My dreams of becoming a mommy weighed heavily after I met the man I knew I was destined to marry. Never did I picture being a step-mom. There is not a day that goes by, I regret that. I love him & can't picture our lives without him. 

The day I gave birth to Carter was the day my life truly started. I had never loved someone so much. He instantly made my heart melt, again & again with every new milestone. That first smile, the first coo & then it's that first time you hear the word mama. Nothing will top that. 

We continued to have babies...Wyatt... Peyton & life became wild & chaotic. It's hard to focus on just one little one when we have four.  You don't picture what life will really be like. You dream of motherhood, not being a mommy. Those are two different aspects of a mom. 

Motherhood is pictured as 8 hours of sleep, because your babies are perfect enough to sleep through the night first week home. A simple daily schedule of owning a clean & organized house all time. You must dress your littles in expensive clothes to keep up with fashion. Clean faces who behave at all times in all the places you go. Motherhood could quite possibly be the easiest job ever...

If it were ANYTHING like that. It's not!

Being a mommy, is wondering when the last time your greasy hair was washed? If that spot on your shirt or pants is adult food, baby food, dog snot or poop. I am lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep on a regular basis, because of a colicky baby & a 5 year old who has nightmares. I don't get to work out daily because my wilds climb on me while I'm planking & think it's I'm a buckin bull. I am still carrying unecessary weight on my scarred stomach with which I gave birth by C-Section to those two littles. I am constantly hearing tattle tale rants & deciding on who farted or burped. 

These boys have completely run over me on days where I feel like I could give up at any moment. Those faces I kiss & hug every night with & a goodnight have me at their every beckon call. I would do anything to make sure they feel loved & safe. On days when I, as a person, feel at my lowest Carter whispers in Wyatts ear " Tell Mommy She's Beautiful." They are my rocks. 

I will enjoy them as littles & treasure every moment I have with these little stinkers! 

• Hard Pill To Swallow •

This has been something that I have thought about writing for a long time.

It's not uncommon, but it's a judged subject.

PTSD from having a baby in the NICU is getting more and more common. Anxiety is also a result from a stay.

I remember so vividly everything that happened from February 8- April 22. I am an emotional person. I cry, I scream & I get upset very easily. While Peyton was in Primary's I only cried twice. I never left him & cried & it was questioned a lot.

I can't tell you why I never cried & I will probably never know.

Peyton has been insulin free for 2.5 months. The last 2 months has been constant worry & high anxiety that his diabetes will come back sooner than expected. At his 4 month checkup I worried his sugars would spike from his fever. Of course it hasn't & hopefully it doesn't until 14ish.

At night sometimes I wake up in a panic from dreams that take me back to the morning of Peyton's birth when Trev comes in to tell me that he's only 3 lbs 15 oz. People would say that might be normal & it's ok. It's not ok when your mind throws a curve ball & you also hear him saying they don't expect him to make it through the night...

I panic, wake up in a sweat & have to get up in the middle of the night to check on him & remember that he's ok.

I hear the monitors all the time & my heart rate palpitates when I flashback to the night that his numbers kept rising & we couldn't figure out what was wrong. He stopped breathing twice & I so clearly remember his nurse calling me to tell me his sugars were higher & oxygen had to go on. When we came home with him, he was still gasping when he would go into a deep sleep. I think that's where some of the anxiety roots from.

I recently went to my doctor, who is also a member of my ward bishopric & a very close family friend, to discuss what I was experiencing. I had post partum depression with Carter & Wyatt as well. I fully expected it & My family knew what to watch for after Peyton. Little did I, or anyone else, know how bad it would get.

No I'm not so depressed that I'm buried in the corner afraid of the public eyes, but I do have a hard time being around a lot of people & loudness. I know some of that is because Peyton is still not used to loud noises. His tiny ears lived in the quietness of the NICU for 73 days. When he cries, I get anxious when I can't console him right away. My husband has been such a lifesaver for me. He knows exactly what to watch for when I'm getting overwhelmed. He jumps in & helps in any way possible.

We decided I needed some Xanax for those touchy moments.

Sometimes I feel like it's the worst thing ever that I can't take care of my own kids.... but then I also remember

God gives you what you can handle & when you see your way to him the blessings fall on you & your family.




I'm a work in progress & I'm proud to say that I have come to terms with myself & my head. I know I have some hard work to do, but I have so much help & support.

I have to take care of myself before I can take care of these sweethearts.

•Peyton Is 4 Months Old•

Weight: 10 lbs 8 oz
Height: 22.5 in

Peyton is doing so good!

*He is 3 weeks of no insulin. I am so relieved!

*He still has night time colic & refuses to eat luke warm bottles. They must be as warm as you can get without burning him!

*He lays on his side but just can't quite get the extra push to get his belly.

*Speaking of his belly, dislikes tummy time any longer than 5-10 minutes.

*Tried rice for the first time & he likes it but isn't quite sure what to do with his tongue!



*He is starting to recognize familiar faces & gives thee biggest smiles when he knows who it is!

*Sat upright in his jumper for 20 minutes twice so far. He is so strong!



*Loves to snuggle things while he sleeps. A fabulous friend did a Scentsy fundraiser for us & she gave Peyton a Scentsy buddy! His name is Rowan the Raccoon & Peyt loves him!