Tuesday, February 25, 2014

•It's a Rollercoaster•

I can only imagine how Peyton feels on this rollercoaster. I know there are moments when he probably feels terrible & really has no idea why he feels the way he does. If you haven't noticed, night time is the worst & last night was no different. His numbers were in the 300's again & he got as high as .08 of insulin. As of right now we are in the 150's & at .02 insulin. I wish we could stay in this range & leave this place. I love it here don't get me wrong, the nurses are fabulous, the practitioners & neonatologists are amazing, but even some days they are confused by this little boy & feel like they're starting over. Peyton is kind of like a guinea pig for every one, we are all learning with him. I just wish his body would cooperate with us.

I had 2 of my cousins come give him a blessing last night. He hadn't had one since we left Grace & with his crazy up & down numbers the last week, I decided it was time for another one. I am so happy they took time away from their own families to come give us a little peace & comfort. Immediately after Ben finished the blessing my stress seemed to just leave. Obviously with this stupid disease it's never going to leave but I did feel a little comfort in him gaining strength & hopefully being able to go home in the next few weeks. It makes me extremely grateful for what I believe & knowing that blessing came from The Lord! 

I also have been thinking a lot of my grandma lately. Man I miss that woman! I miss our phone calls, her amazing advice, her way of making me instantly feel better about anything & I miss just hearing her voice. This is something she would have been here in a heartbeat for. She would have drove here the day after Peyton was born & just sat with me. Don't get me wrong Trevor knows more than anything I just need to sit with my baby, & it's emotionally exhausting. Grandma would have sat the whole day with me! I wish more than anything I could call her & cry to her about leaving my other babes at home & driving here so much & so often. I feel like I'm abandoning them even though I know they have far to much fun at Grandma & Grandpas house. For that I am so thankful! I want my kids to have the same relationship I had with my grandparents. There was nothing I couldn't talk to Grandma about & I want my kids to know there won't be anything they can't talk about! 

This mommy needed a vent session today! I'm sorry there wasn't much to update about Peyton, but hopefully we stay where we need to today with his glucose!


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