Tuesday, September 10, 2013

::Turning Point In Life::

Tuesday, September 10: 
Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn. 

 Looking back & thinking about what exactly was the biggest turning point in my life, I thought maybe graduation, moving away from home, getting married or having my babies.... yeah those are definitely huge moments. I thought about it a little more & decided dancing was a factor to life turn. I have always loved dancing. Since I was little, I would dance around the house, demand to be in dance classes & spent hours making up dances in my room downstairs for myself & the little girls I taught! It was my life, more so when I got on the high school drillteam. I also learned what it was like to have the pressure of lots of people staring at my body in tight dance outfits. Enter eating disorder voice in the back of my head at every meal. I wouldn't say that I was out of control completely, but I had my fair share of scary moments. Time I was so hungry I would get lightheaded & have to sit down, excuses I would make up to my parents to avoid eating. I look back now & wonder what I was thinking & how I never got caught. I think the turning point was my senior year when I started dating my amazing, patient & loving husband. I would go to Pocatello on the weekend to see him & sometimes we would go to dinner. One night while he was outside with his roommate I was feeling guilty about eating all that food & threw up. I was caught & have never seen Trev as mad as he was that night to this day. He gave me the ultimatum that night....him or the eating disorder. I left way early that night & we didn't talk for a week. Not because I didn't choose him, but because I was extremely embarrassed I did that & caused a scene. After his roommate's girlfriend let me know how worried he was about what happened & what was going to happen, he came to my house & we talked for a long time. That night made me realize that 1) I was slowly killing myself & the chance to have kids & 2) I was going to lose this guy I was falling in love with, neither of those things were a path I wanted to walk. I chose to realize what I was doing was stupid & not worth it. I still have issues every once in a while, but Trev & my boys bring me back to reality!! Although it was a bad experience I wouldn't ever take it back, that is when I knew how much Trev really cared for me.


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